How to... Say Goodbye

Saying goodbye is one of the most natural things in the world, isn’t it? It is universal, something common to every culture. We all say goodbye in the same way, don’t we?

In Britain a goodbye usually goes something like this:

‘Bye!’

‘Bye!’

At this point the participants go their separate ways.

In Italy however, saying goodbye is a little bit more complicated. When you say goodbye you have to do a dance. At first, I didn’t know how to do this dance. I didn’t know the moves. I had to learn that the first ‘Bye’ is not the real goodbye at all. It is merely the beginning of a complex and sophisticated dance routine. Now I know this dance, and I happily join in. But at the beginning, I was a hopeless and confused beginner.

When a Goodbye is not a Goodbye.

This is what usually happens in Italy.

‘Bye!’

‘Bye!’

The group then shuffles two or three metres towards the door. And then someone says:

‘Did you hear about my neighbour?’

‘No what happened?’

‘He had a fall last Sunday, now he’s in hospital. I don’t know how his wife is coping.’

A conversation that lasts from ten to thirty minutes follows. The group then shuffle another two metres towards the door. And then someone says:

‘Oh, I forgot, you have to give me that recipe for apple crumble.’ The dance stops. And the conversation turns fruity:

‘Here it is!’

‘What apples should I use?’

‘Any apple will do, but I prefer Granny Smiths?’

‘Granny Smith’s? Where can I get them?’

‘Well, there is a new supermarket on Via Dei Vellini that has them, have you been?’

‘No, but a new supermarket seems to spring up every week these days.’

‘You’re right. I don’t know how they survive………

Then there are a series of smaller shuffles, as the door gets nearer. The dance routine gets more and more complex. Shuffle-Stop-Talk-Talk-Shuffle-Talk-Stop-Shuffle-Stop-Talk, until finally, two hours after the first ‘bye’, we arrive at the penultimate goodbye.

The door is open. It is minus five degrees outside. But someone, for some reason precisely at this moment just has to speak about her mothers’ ‘cervicale.’

When this gets sorted out, and doctors’ names are exchanged, there is the last goodbye.

I personally like this dance now. The message behind the dance is, ‘I don’t really want you to go.’ It is a wonderful dance. It reflects the original meaning of the word goodbye. God-Be-With-You. It is a dance of friendship.

But sometimes I wonder. Wouldn’t it be more efficient if we all said goodbye at the beginning of the evening? Then we could spend the whole evening doing this dance and saying goodbye in this wonderful way.